yo titties looked bigger with da bra on.
common disappointment in a mans life..
your dick didn’t smell like a week old salmon in the nudes you sent
common disappointment in a woman’s life
I want to open a really angry coffee shop called “I’m Not a Morning Person” and name all the drinks really angrily
like “can I get a Fuck You” or a “I’m Studying for Finals” or “My In-Laws are in Town”
and they all have shots of tequila in them
who wants to be my business partner
One time I was playing The Sims. My kid had a soccer game, and while the teams were huddled up, I changed to buy mode and put washing machines around the opposing team, enclosing them within their detergent scented prison. Thanks to my ingenious strategy, my child’s team was able to take the ball from the opposite goalie and score repeatedly. By the time the clock ran out, we were up 46-0, and the opposing team was sobbing in puddles of their own piss. I am the best soccer mom.